B
|
ut there
was something else I wanted to say, something else I had to tell; a story kept
for too long which turns my nights into endless nightmares. The exact
circumstances are of no importance, though you as a reader may like to know. But
then I ask you, should we call a given event differently just because of the
circumstances? We may consider it from another perspective, analyze it under a
different light, but the essence won’t change. There’s not much time. Or so I
believe. How I got here, I don’t know, I can’t remember. What I’m sure of is
the way I’m leaving this place, this torment which started before it began.
My life was
good, or wasn’t it? I had everything I had always longed for, a nice big house,
a fast car, the perfect job, health as strong as steel, and a loving family, a
loving family, sounds funny. However, I wasn’t happy. And it’s not that I meant
to be cheerful 24/7, but not even a moment’s joy was I allowed. How I realized
this, I’m not certain, I just became aware. It was as when you’ve been with
your eyes closed for too long and then, when you open them, the bright is too
intense and it blinds you. Reality did that to me. I hit a wall, a five meters
high wall. But I put up with it, and got over it, or so I think.
It was at
night, it was a night’s nights. Not a breath could be heard, not a shadow
differentiated from the darkness, and the heath was suffocating me. I had to
put an end to it all. Reflection when away for a long time hurts, it startles. I
was alive and I became conscious of it. All the years before it I was not
living my life, I’m aware now. My senses became sharper. There’s not much time
left. As I was going downstairs, it was like descending right to hell, or
whatever the way you call it. I descended with hesitating determination, my
hands sweating life, my heart pumping crimson blood. The carpet succumbed under
my heavy boiling steps. It didn’t take long before I had gripped it. My life
hasn’t been the same since then.
If only my thoughts could be hushed. Someone’s
approaching…